Interviews with Average Programmers
Saturday, March 20th, 2010
Books that interview luminous, high-profile programmers seem to be popular right now. Titles like “Coders at Work“, and “Secrets of the Rockstar Programmers“ have interview-style formats in which various programmers generally regarded to be some of the best in the industry are asked questions about how they got their start, and where they think the industry is headed, etc.
These books are an odd mix of inspirational and at the same time demotivational since after a while I start to think that everyone except me got their start coding assembly on a PDP-10 that they built themselves over the weekend when they were five years old.
Still, however, it’s impossible for me to read these books and not wonder how I would answer some of these questions myself even though the answers would only likely be worthy of an “Interviews with Mundanely Average Programmers” at best. Since such a book will never likely be written, I thought I would interview myself here for laughs.
Note that the following is intended to be taken as lighthearted and humorous. Any resemblance to anyone’s actual life or experience, including my own, is entirely coincidental (although I do own “Teach Yourself Java in 21 Days“).
———————————————————————————–
Interviewer: How did you first get into programming?
me: Well, I was meeting with my Career Counselor one day to figure out what I should do with my EE degree.
Interviewer: Oh so you have a degree in Electrical Engineering?
me: Eh? No, ‘English Education’. So anyway, he had this problem with his computer — he couldn’t open an email attachment or something. Anyway, I somehow got it open for him, and he said I was pretty good at that, and that I should go into computers. So here I am.
Interviewer: Well, yes, many programmers don’t take the conventional route and get a CS degree. So tell me,what languages do you know and use regularly?
me: Oh, lots.
Interviewer: Specifically, can you name a few?
me: Sure. I’m most comfortable with Java 2 , but I also know Java 1.4, Java 5, even some Java 6. I know Java Swing and of course Java Collections pretty well. Some Java Servlets too.
Interviewer: Ok, those are all the same language. Do you know anything else besides Java?
me: Er lang–
Interviewer: Oh, Erlang, really? What have you done with Erlang?
me: No sorry, I was starting to say to myself, “Err, languages besides Java…”. I’ll have to think on it some more.
Interviewer: Ok, well let’s move on then. What’s the most complicated piece of code you’ve implemented?
me: Oh that’s easy. One time I had to sort a list of numbers, so I did a sort in one line.
Interviewer: Really!? You implemented a sorting algorithm in one line of code? That’s very impressive. Donald Knuth would be proud.
me: Who?
Interviewer: The father of modern computer science and the author of the seminal “The Art of Computer Programming” series.
me: Yeah well if he likes sorting, he should check out Java Collections, one of the languages I know. You can do a sort with just “Collections.sort()”, and then it sorts the collection you give it. Boom. Sorted. One line.
Interviewer: …
me: If you give me his email I can let him know where to find it–
Interviewer: …
me: Say, aren’t you going to ask me how I would move Mount Fuji? I have a pretty good answer, I think.
Interviewer: What? No, this isn’t a job interview.
me: It’s a trick question. You can’t move mountains. That’s the answer.
Interviewer: Well, I think that might be the point of the question. I don’t think it has “an answer” . So anyway–
me: So I got it wrong then. Does this mean the interview is over?
Interviewer: No, I wasn’t — you asked yourself that question. Anyway, let’s keep this thing going. What are your thoughts on Pair Programming? Do you practice it often?
me: Absolutely not. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t judge others for doing it. I mean, have I been tempted? Sure. But, I’m a happily married man and–
Interviewer: Ok, let me stop you there. I’m pretty sure we’re not talking about the same thing. Let’s just skip a few of these questions here. Ok, here’s a safe one: What are some of your favorite tech books?
me: Oh, probably “Teach Yourself Java in 21 Days” stands out. It got me up to speed in my first language, Java 2, and very quickly too I might add. I actually read most of it in 20 days, so I figure I’m probably ahead of the curve somewhat. I’ve always scored pretty high on reading comprehension. I also have one of those books with a picture of an animal on the cover about XML. Oh! That’s what I was trying to remember from your ‘what languages do I know’ question! I know XML too.
Interviewer: I’m not sure XML is really a language–
me: Ok, sure, no problem. Just keep me down for Java Servlets then. In fact, maybe count it twice. I know it pretty well.
Interviewer: Sure, well, I’m not keeping score. It was just meant to spark conversation. Well scanning down the rest of my questions here, I think I can anticipate most of your answers. So why don’t we just cut it short here. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me.
me: Did I get the job?
Interviewer: Once again, this wasn’t a job interview.
me: Dang. That always means “no”.
Tags: Humor
34 Responses to “Interviews with Average Programmers”
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As a fellow average (or perhaps below-average here) programmer, I enjoyed this immensely.
Brilliant,
But what about Binary. That’s a language too right?
Doesn’t the interpreter convert all that java to binary?
So that’s a language we know too!
Whew, thought I was cornered there!
Saw via @toranb on Twitter. Absolutely hilarious! I love “Collections.sort()”
Haha, awesome post! I feel the same way, that Collection.sort() method is an impressive bit of coding to be sure.
Er lang… cracked me up.
Yes, funny, but not really unrealistic.
I know a few of these average programmers, and they are often useful members of a team. If they are well supervised and the team has at least one talented programmer that can do the design work and solve the difficult problems, the average programmers can churn out the details.
I had a phone interview with a small startup here in San Francisco. The next day I got an email from the CTO expressing regrets since, as he put it, “We only hire the best of the best”.
Unfortunately, that kind of elitist attitude seems to be very prevalent nowadays. It is detrimental and self defeating, too, I might add. You have to have a lot of hubris to think that everyone on your technical staff is amongst the top, say, 10 per cent of the talent available.
That kind of hubris, my friend, eventually gets you busted.
I loved this article. I can totally relate.
Once I got an answer “English, Bengali, Hindi and Spanish” to the question “What languages do you know ?” during an interview for Software Programmer job.
An perfect candidate for the “Programmers at work” edition.
ROTLMAO….
Thanks for sharing. As I owne both of the books mentioned (Coders at Work and Secrets of the Rockstar Programmers) I have felt the same way for a long time.:-)
Story of my life.. hehe
thank god at least he knew the fact that he has to answer for the types of comp. languages he know….. I was expecting him to be giving the types of spoken n written languages he is adept at…
well btw one can figure out this guy is really the best programmer ever..
Tsar Jnes, the problem is that average programmers drag your team down. They add negative productivity and are best not hired in the first place.
Hilarious! The part about emailing Knuth was the best.
Well, yeah, I see the point, but if this depiction of an “average programmer” *really* rings bells for you, then I feel sorry, as it must suck to work among such people.
Call me humourless if you will. Still, wouldn’t the hordes of average programmers actually quote titles like “Code Complete” and “Pragmatic Programmer” as their favorite tech books. Nothing unique or original to that, but nothing to scorn about either.
The very fact that you schlepped up here supposedly puts you a fair distance above average, so…
Funny
Enjoyed it.
It’s a sad fact, but something like 50% of all programmers are “average”. It boggles the mind. Makes me want to move to Lake Woebegone, where everyone is above average.
(And apologies to Gerrison Keiller and statisticians everywhere).
Well crafted, funny!
Boom. Sorted. One line.
Classic stuff
You are a phenom my friend!! This was awesome!!!
Like!
APR – Average Programmers rock!
Awesome read!
This is pretty funny man. Good work.
strike to the heart! Clanck! LOL!
Love it! You sure did know how the average programmer feels, heheh
Inspiring, trully inspiring.
Give you 5, er, no, 5 million stars 4 u
Very funny and real! thanks for sharing.
I own the Teach Yourself Java in 21 Days book too. It was a good book back then!
Very funny. Enjoyed the sarcasm throughout. “You can do a sort with just Collections.sort()” is classy.
btw isn’t XML a language? eXtended Markup Language.. Interviewer.. Hello?
@Devdas: Average or Best programmers don’t drag the team down. Its the attitude that impacts the team. Google search can help with any code, but not with qualities. I’d rather have an average programmer with great attitude than the best programmer with a foul attitude in my team.
+1 on the Er…lang reference. Loved it!
Interestingly enough, I think this was a rather profound post in another light. You’re quite right, there’s a lot of us average programmers out there and there story is just as interesting, especially with all the backgrounds people come in to the wide world of programming.
You should try to push this out as a meme or something, get some “average” questions going and it would be great to track!
Its hilarious, and somewhat true.
I have seen people (from CS background) who don’t know about RAM inside a computer (they relates it to GOD, in India RAM is a GOD name) or difference about Operating System and languages or difference between CPU and processor.
You will find people who’ll say “internet is not working”, moment they login into a machine. Some freaks out if some GRUB options will come to sak which OS to boot. lolz
Its funny, but have seen people learning very fast too from non-CS background. Its all about curiosity and eagerness to learn beyond books
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I realize I’m a bit late to the party, but I just wanted to chime in and tell you that if there was a book with interviews of regular, truly average programmers – I would buy it in a heartbeat. It really is demotivational to read stuff written by or about some of the great programmers in the world, since it makes you realize just how hard you suck by comparison. What I’ve come to realize is that you shouldn’t be comparing yourself and your skills to everyone in the world – you should be comparing yourself to the people in your area (geographically, academically or professionally). After all, there’s no shame in being average. In fact, most people are.